REJECTION PROTECTION CLUB HOLIDAY SPECIAL
“5 REFLECTIONS FOR 2025”
5 THINGS TO CONSIDER FOR THE NEW YEAR
For this month, we will venture away from our usual format and in place look at reflections from a therapist in regards to the current state of mental health and what has been coming up most, at least from one perspective.
I am not the most massive advocate for New Year’s resolutions, but I do believe that having a tangible benchmark such as a new year can be helpful in both reframing our approaches to life as well as separating the old from the new. With that in mind, here are 5 reflections for 2025 on topics which came up most prominently in both my professional and personal experiences of 2024.
SOMETIMES, JUDGMENT SEEMS TO BE ROOTED IN A LACK OF TRUST OF SELF
STARTING OFF HOT! To be clear, this article will all be based on my own observations and reflections, and the purpose is not to inform as much as create potential new reframes on ideas heading into the new year.
Judgement is an integral part of human cognizance, and the underlying mechanisms of the idea are certainly important— in fact, can be lifesaving for many reasons. It is critical to realize we should avoid dangerous situations, important to understand what we do enjoy or what does help us make decisions, and ultimately a critical risk-prevention factor to be present in any situation where we have to determine what may or may not be threatening.
What is interesting to consider in addition to this idea is how in modern day, there also seems to be a lot of overcorrection which can be hard, or even impossible to discern judgmental perceptions from the true signals of threat and risk. It is easy to form worries around something that we perceive to be a threat and become overly guarded around it, regardless of whether that threat is real or not.
When we are assessing a situation for judgment, we often have reactions which can happen so quickly that there is no time to discern whether or not we are accurately reading a situation correctly or not– as it should be, a true threat would require this. The remaining issues are therefore clear to see, as often a misinterpretation can lead to judgments which create negative interactions between humans with both sides feeling misunderstood.
To put the two sides together, we can often see judgement stem from situations where we are unsure of how we feel on something, which is a safe move in the case of say, entering a dark cave, but not necessarily helpful in the case of say, someone who presents in a way we don’t understand. While we cannot (and should not!) remove judgment from the human experience, we also must consider that it could greatly change our abilities to connect with others if we are not being self reflective on why we feel the way that we do.
IDEAS TO INCORPORATE IT INTO 2025:
Asking why we feel a certain way around threat– It can be very daunting, but fear can often come from misunderstanding and we may find greater relief in disassembling it even if it is an actual threat.
Taking more risks and giving more benefit of the doubt– connected to the first, we know the brain is always going to lean towards preventing negative over becoming curious of the positive. Having a conscious override, particularly around things such as cultural differences or new activities/experiences, can lead to less judgment and more connections.
Learning more about what we do not know– cliche, I know, but it is definitely true that the more we know and have understanding around, the more comfortable we can be in making a decision.
MOST PROGRESS IN THERAPY FEELS RAW AND DIFFICULT
As has been stated in many different forms, the process of therapy is actually facing things that DO make us feel uncomfortable and then seeing that process all the way through. While we expect it to feel good to do this, at least in the moment, that is unfortunately not the reality– the reality is that the moments in which we catch ourselves toiling through the discomfort where we would usually revert to less healthy coping mechanisms is the best indicator we will ever get while making progress. If therapy felt good and was easy, well, I’d guess more people would do it.
But make no mistake– while surely therapy can be enjoyable and relieving in the moment, it is actually when people feel most uncomfortable that the most actual progress can be seen being made. To be able to recognize the most difficult or otherwise avoided parts of ourselves is going to feel extremely painful– but once we have made these realizations, we have effectively made the largest progress that therapy intends to make. It will take a long time to find out how to restructure these things, but to realize them is the most difficult part. We can even borrow a phrase that may be one of the last you would expect to describe therapy: “no pain, no gain!”
While certainly it would be exhausting to continue to make painful self realizations week after week, these moments seem to be the most important and conducive to actual progress. After all, we only really learn from our failures even if success is much more enjoyable.
IDEAS TO INCORPORATE IT INTO 2025:
Considering how we approach therapy: everyone has their own individual approach, but it can often give us more insight to consider whether we feel challenged enough or perhaps too overwhelmed. The most important thing is that the client feels that therapy is valuable to them in one way or another, and the definition of valuable can change drastically.
THE JOY OF REACHING SUCCESS IS THE PROCESS, BUT CELEBRATING SUCCESS CAN HELP
Again to connect to the prior reflection, the process of doing something is often more enjoyable than the completion of what we intended to do, whether we like it or not.
An example I like to use to highlight the truth behind this is to imagine yourself looking at a high peak in the distance (for the record I specifically use Long’s Peak, if you are in Colorado) and considering the actual emotions we may feel if we were to get to the top.
Looking at it from the lowgrounds, we can see a majestic and snowcapped mountain, and the fantasy of imagining ourselves reaching it is probably aggrandized and romanticized. We see the ‘dream scenario’, or perhaps whatever our interpretation of that is. But should we actually want to get to the top, the scenario becomes reality and we are faced with effort and work. To just ‘wing it’ and try to figure out how to get to the top is an ill formed and probably unsuccessful plan. To actually plan out every single turn we would have to take to get from our current location to the peak is a grinding and dull process.
Especially in a world that only becomes more and more slanted towards instant gratification, it is no surprise that many would stop right at the fantasy of doing something, but let's say that we did go through with it. The drive to get to the mountain may be stressful, the hike up would be strenuous, and by the time we got to the top, we would see a rocky plateau which would almost certainly not be what we expected. We feel the success of reaching the top, only to realize we are almost immediately considering what comes next.
The purpose of this metaphor is to highlight how most ventures in life seem to go: the execution of something very often requires more than what would be expected, but those parts are often what make the experience enjoyable and fulfilling. Getting to the end is often not a grand finale as we expect, but rather a point in which we realize we had been living in the moment during the experience of getting there. One way to enhance these experiences would then be to celebrate our successes more– we do ultimately have the opportunity to take the time to appreciate and reward ourselves for our successes, especially considering that it can be disappointing to reach the finale if the enjoyment comes from the process.
Perhaps we should look at more processes like we look at watching a movie– sure, we are technically there for the ending, but we won’t actually enjoy or even get it unless we experience the whole thing.
IDEAS TO INCORPORATE IT INTO 2025:
CELEBRATE SUCCESS! Finding ways to reward yourself or feeling good about accomplishments can be very hard for some, finding new ways to do so may make experiences more enjoyable.
Considering how to enjoy the process more– often we can be intimidated or dreading the process of something– I blame school and homework, at least partially. Approaching activities with more of an openminded approach can help us shift the focus to be less outcome-oriented. It won't all be long division busywork.
Factoring what processes we enjoy as much as results we want– much like we would play board games or pickup sports, looking at any activity as a process rather than an end goal can help us determine what activities we actually enjoy doing most.
IT IS EASIER TO TAKE THINGS ON OURSELVES THAN TO SIT WITH THE FEELING WE HAVE NO CONTROL
Oooh, this one might be the most important one in my opinion.
A large realization I had personally in 2024, this is referring to the idea that some people end up taking things upon ourselves as a means of perceived control, which… well, which is not actually there to begin with. This further expands to say that it is actually more difficult to cope with the factors that we cannot control on the outside than it is to just feel badly about ourselves and take the blame.
It may sound counterintuitive, but we can ironically gain more empathy and accountability from not taking the blame to ourselves, and rather realizing that we can only control what we can control. The urge to take blame onto ourselves is often more connected to the feeling of wanting to fix something, but we can gain far more from building tolerance to what we cannot control rather than the double down negative of taking things on ourselves and feeling as if we have failed.
Accept the things we cannot change, change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference is certainly a wise piece of advice to follow. It is in no way easy to execute– but it can be hard to even recognize in many situations.
IDEAS TO INCORPORATE IT INTO 2025:
Trying to notice where our blame goes when we are upset– emotional dysregulated states are obviously not ideal to reflect, but considering in hindsight where we end up placing blame during those moments can be revealing to what we perceived as control and where that did not work out
Practicing DBT-type strategies– many therapies focus on this concept, but DBT specifically and concisely highlights the intersection of where we can discern what we can and cannot control
IT TRULY IS NOT EASY TO BE YOURSELF
Finally, a very cliche but apropos ending to all of these reflections, it is truly not easy to be ourselves. It is much easier to go along with the ideas or plans or ideals of others, and in some situations this may be the best option for ourselves. What is truly most difficult to do is just present as ourselves with full confidence and pride of who we are without feeling that we are limited and with full self assurance that we can bring our best selves to the world. Man, just writing that out was difficult!
But what we can say is that despite all the hardships and difficulties, the end reward of presenting as ourselves in full can feel far more gratifying and fulfilling, and much like many of the other concepts discussed, that must come from the experience in full– good, bad, hard, and easy. While some may find the process much more difficult than others, we can at least take solace that the end result is one which will be worth the journey– there are not too many great stories which involve a character living out someone else’s plotline, regardless of the details.
As Bob Dylan said now over 60 years ago and is still true today, “Well I try my best, to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them.” While some may not struggle nearly as much with self actualization and confidence in that self as others, everyone can probably gain something from a focus on strengthening the inner parts of us that we are more afraid to show.
IDEAS TO INCORPORATE IT INTO 2025:
Building our strengths– knowing what we are good at and strengthening it is a classic way to build our confidence and feel good displaying that to others.
Owning our weaknesses– but understanding where we struggle and learning how to accept, integrate with, or ask for help around may be even more valuable. Strengthening our weaknesses can also be effective, but having multiple ways around them can feel even more empowering.
Validating ourselves and others– much can be gained from validation, I would argue it may be the single most important psychological factor of humans, but making efforts to validate others and ourselves can create stronger bonds and trust, making self presentation much easier.
IN REVIEW
And so whether you see yourself as a prson who enjoys making New Year's resolutions or feel they only set us up for failure-- and I am typically in the latter camp-- hopefully there was some good reflection to take into 2025. I do feel that having benchmarks and moments to stop and reflect on what has happened is very crucial-- I mean, if you were reading, I should probably take my own advice and do so more!
A resolution also does not necessarily have to be a goal or even an intention as well-- it may just serve as a good time to check in with ourselves, and may just be another day we have to pay rent on the 1st. A teacher I had in graduate school had a great alternative take on this as well, as she said she took up a new hobby every year just to continuously be trying new things. Maybe you are going to try and add more to life, and maybe you are actually trying to simplify it, but the opportunity to stop and reflect is good as any.
Wishing everyone a happy 2025 and no matter how this or last year may go for us,remember that we are always learning and growing, whether this year happens to be more of a planting one or a harvesting one.
MORE ABOUT
CONNECTED ROOTS
At Connected Roots, our three core pillars are connection, grounding, and confidence.
We share dedication to creating nonjudgmental and safe spaces where clients can
express themselves authentically and reach their goals.
For more information on Connected Roots or Nick Serro, please visit our website or contact us at 720-593-1062.
تعليقات